I know I wouldn't. However, I have spent the last 11 years doing exactly this to my body....
I think it is really hard for the people who love you to come to terms with the fact that you are able to harm your own body in such a way. How on earth can you explain a behaviour that you have accepted as being 'normal' to people who see it as something completely alien?
Talking openly about self harm, particularly to the people closest to you, can be extremely daunting. Up until a week ago nobody in my family knew about my most recent episode of self harm (the past 12 months or so) because I was too afraid to tell them. Too afraid to open up and let them in for fear that they would ask me questions that would make me feel uncomfortable, and that it would damage our relationship.
The situation I found myself in gave me no option to keep my self harm a secret any longer, and I told my Mum, the person I was most afraid of telling.
That may sound crazy but my relationship with my Mum is complicated. I feel very responsible for my Mum; her health, her well-being, her happiness. For most of my teenage years it was just her and I living together, which was really intense, and when she was diagnosed with cancer when I was 14 it felt like there was a complete role reversal. It was my responsibility to look after my Mum, and protect her from any further stress. So when things in my life became too much, and my mental health started to deteriorate, I kept it all inside and tried to deal with it on my own.
I suppose my need to deal with all my struggles alone never went away, which is why it was a massive step forward for me to have opened up to my Mum about my self harm. Over the last few months I have let my guard down and been much more open with people, and the results have been really positive.
Now some of my family know I do feel like a huge weight has lifted, and my recovery will be that much easier, but I still need to fight my tendency put walls up and just let my Mum be my Mum.
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