Keep battling on

It has been a number of months now that I have been feeling very strongly about wanting medical treatment for my scars. Not only because I hate the way the look, but because they also cause me a great deal of pain and discomfort. I have tried many of the over-the-counter creams and serums that are supposed to help reduce the appearance of scars, though personally, I have not found them to make much difference. That may be partly due to the fact that you have to use them for quite a long period time for them to have any effect, but considering how expensive most of these products are, it has been very difficult for me to find the money to be able to afford to buy them on a regular basis. There is also evidence to suggest that collagen light therapy, which is available at most sunbed salons (don’t worry, no UV rays involved!) will help scars fade at a faster rate. But that can be pricey too.

Having tried both of these options, which have proved to be rather ineffective, I grow increasingly frustrated and upset about having to live with my scars the way they are at the moment. I have spoken to various professionals about my scars in terms of the way they look and how much discomfort they cause me and asked about what treatments might be available to help with these things. I have had a mixture of contradictory responses which only adds to my frustration and upset. I have been told by a previous GP that I should see a dermatologist because there are treatments that would be beneficial; however, the GP that I see currently met my request for a referral to a dermatologist with a harsh, insensitive and patronising response, telling me that nothing could be done to help me. I explained to my GP how much my quality of life is affected by my scars, how they prevent me from being a part of certain social situations, how they dictate the way I can and cannot dress, the way they make me feel when I see them, how they make it so much more difficult to break the cycle of self-harm.  It has been about 2 months now since I last self-harmed, which is a long time after having spent the last 9 months visiting A & E pretty much once a week, but I feel as though I am living the same life as I was when I was self-harming every day. Learning to accept your scars IS a very big part of recovery, however, I feel like by being refused the treatment that I need to be able to get my life back on track is a punishment for what I have done. Is the pain and damage that I have caused myself not punishment enough?

My GP is not the only professional to express such unsympathetic opinions. I am very sad to say that some mental health specialists have been equally ignorant when it comes to self-harm and living with scars and, very recently, I was told that the fact that I still need support from the mental health service means that I am not ready for any type of treatment to reduce the appearance of my scars. I find this logic completely baffling. I have managed not to self-harm for 2 months and I do not know what more I can do to prove that I want to be well again and free from self-harm. My scars will always be with me, and always be a part of me, but I wish that they were less visible so that I don’t have to feel disgusted with myself every time I see my body.

If a professional doesn’t agree with you when you try to tell them how you are feeling and what you feel would be best for you, don’t give up. They don’t know how you feel, only you know that, and if they don’t listen when you try to tell them, keep trying. After all, they may have a wealth of knowledge about how people who self-harm are supposed to feel and the reasons why people do it, but they will never have the same knowledge and understanding as somebody who has lived through it. I know that having treatment to reduce the appearance of my scars will have a hugely positive impact on my life and my journey to recovery and I going to keep telling the professionals that until they listen.